Wk4 Response 1: Jeannine Berube's Bodacious Blog

POST 2

"Am I willing to live in the Universe of Possibility?  That is the most honest question I can present to  myself as I finish reading this book.   Knowing now not only of this new universe, but also having been given the tools to navigate, am I ready to embark on this new adventure, to learn to be the “BOARD” on which my life is played?  Am I willing to enroll others in the “game” rather than scare them to death; to begin to create new frameworks of possibility, to truly tell the story of WE instead of me?"

My calculating part says “I’m tired”—my central self says “I’m scared.”  “STOP!  You’re BOTH right!”  (Was it a Doublemint commercial?)  Yes, having wrapped up my school year last week, the usual exhaustion is enervating me, making the much that is going on both personally and academically feel a lot harder than it is.  But I’m also very afraid of giving up some of my old roles and old rules.  Sure, they haven’t worked very well, but they’re the only roles and rules I’ve got.  I had.  I don’t have to choose to walk that way any more. 

You know what else you don’t need to do, Debra Jo?  You don’t need to undertake a revolution right now.  Just love yourself—give yourself the compassion and understanding you’d give someone else in your position!

Excuse me, Jeannine, I just took a little aside in our conversation to have one with myself, which was a little self-centered!  (Ha.  Ha.)  Uh oh.  How do you manage to constantly open me up to truth?  In fact, that’s all I’ve been doing—writing about me.  This morning, talking about being vines & branches, the pastor said something about producing fruit being about caring for the other person more than you care about yourself, and between that and the book, I’m open to seeing what I’m seeing, and hearing what you’re saying. 

I’m a little irritated at myself this afternoon that my “responses” to other people have been—just say it like it is, Deb—all about me.  But then I heard another thought:  that when something I say sparks learning & insight in someone else, I feel satisfied; I feel I’ve succeeded at my job.  I hope you feel that way now.  I’m having a hard time today, and you just made it easier.  Thanks.