Wk3 Response 1: Tricia’s Tech & Art

POST 2

“I realize from reading this chapter that I need to remind myself that I am a teacher, not a parent of 162 children. I am not physically or mentally able to project my personal value set in the discipline of my classes. I must remember that position and attention are central to my students, and they do not intentionally mean to offend me with most of their actions. They are surviving in a competitive environment. I must focus on finding my central self rather than the calculating, judgmental, angry, resentful self. I can’t judge rude children without considering the whole person=who knows what is going on in their life or how they were raised.

“Those ideas fuel the imperative avoidance of ‘downward spiral talk’. Relating back to my challenge students, I need to stop expecting a negative interchange as soon as they walk in the door. Maybe if I tried an ‘upward spiral’, the interchanges would be more positive from the jump.”

Tricia,

You are always so positive in your outlook and intentions, and so committed to making your world a better place, for those around you as well as—incidentally, I think—yourself.  I tend to disagree with you about our students’ intentions—regardless of the factors that might lead to it, there is always a spiteful intention behind being rude to someone, and while it may sometimes be understandable, it’s never okay—but their intentions don’t matter.  I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with your observation that “I must focus on finding my central self rather than the calculating, judgmental, angry, resentful self.” 

When somebody triggers those responses—no, reactions is the accurate word, because I’m not responding to who they are; I’m reacting to a bell they’re jangling in me.  If their rudeness is just about them, then I don’t have to get mad about it.  Why?  It’s not my problem.  Example:   I don’t allow profanity in my classroom.  Instant referral (or so they believe, and if I don’t “hear” who said it, they’re all so relieved)!  Now, it doesn’t make me mad—I don’t get judgmental—but there’s something about the offensiveness, the verbal violence and ugliness, that just wounds my soul.  Nothing personal; I just have to stand up for my own bastion of civility. 

But if their rudeness reminds me of my own “uncoolness” in high school or reflects a fault I don’t like in myself or makes me feel inadequate—tell me, by the way, why in heaven’s name a woman with “being listened to” issues would choose to become a high school teacher?—then of course I’m going to experience the rising up of aggravation and irritation (at least).  And what makes those feelings really powerful is my denial that they’re about me.  If they were, I could “be” in them; since they’re not, I can’t put any appropriate boundary around them, and next thing I know, my classroom has filled with crackling static, and everyone is bristling and no one is listening.

My central self is giving, not needing, and so what that giving self is going to mirror back is worthiness.  When people feel worthy, they don’t act rude.  And then their teachers (among others) begin to perceive them as worthy, which … well, there you’ve got your spiral going.